"WHAT HAPPENED AT THE SYNCHRONISED SWIMMING?!" I hear you cry... well
On arrival at the pool I was introduced to Yvonne, the poor soul whose task it was to turn me into a water ballerina. Handing me a fetching frilly swimming cap, she asked me to get into the water and show her my 'strokes'. "Great", I think, this'll be easy peasy... "I have a bronze lifesaver badge!" ... Foolish. After the first excruciating half hour watching me splash about like a beached whale Yvonne whispered to Ben (BBC Essex's sport journalist who was recording my ritual humiliation) "I don't think she'll manage a routine".
But I proved her wrong when she asked me to do the 'eggbeater'. A bizarre stroke where the top half of your body remains still whilst you whisk your legs about like crazy (like an egg beater) in order to stay afloat... It turns out that I'm expert 'eggbeater'. Things continued to go well when I picked up 'skulling' like a pro. I then let myself down when taught how to perform a move called 'the tub'... The only 'tub' I plan to have in my life from now on contains ice cream.
|Me - mid 'tub'|
However, all was not lost, as I redeemed myself on the the next move, which involved my doing the front crawl and saluting... so cheesy it came second nature.
|Front crawling and saluting at the same time|
My 'back layout' was also pretty nifty (mainly as all it involves is floating about on your back like a plank of wood!)
|Back layout-ing like a pro... except, from my experssion, it looks like I'm about to expire!|
The end result wasn't to Olympic standard and did involve a little too much splashing, accompanied by the odd spluttered expletive. But I managed it! I've also walked away with...
A) A lot of respect for anyone who can do synchro, as it 'aint as easy as it looks
B) A dodgy knee
C) A frilly swimming cap
I'm still trying to get my hands on the item to post up here permanently, but if you can't wait to listen to my adventure go here... Click on Ray Clark's Breakfast Show for Friday 24th June, my swimming adventure appears twice in the show, the first time is about 20 minutes in from the start